Comments on: Is This A Good Start For A Story?

By: Jade Arcoutte

Jade Arcoutte — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 23:47:24 +0000

Didn’t read it all, but what I did read was pretty good. =)

By: JewelsGi

JewelsGi — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 21:37:41 +0000

ok dude that was really good…….and im 14 as well and im writting a story or book you may call it………

By: Kendall P

Kendall P — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 15:40:38 +0000

i liked it and for fourteen you are pretty good, i started writing at ten but i can’t seem to manage finishing a story, writers block is a totall beeyotch. hope you keep working on it.

By: Selentic

Selentic — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 10:45:48 +0000

For 14, good. For something anybody would ever want to read ever, not so much.
Those are kind words, coming from me, so chillax. You’ve got more potential than 99% of the Twilight-snorting idiots on these boards. As you develop your writing from now on, don’t worry so much about plot and character development. Anybody can do that. Instead focus on your writing style, diction, syntax, and flow. Make your writing interesting, not just what you’re writing about. Read a lot, of course, and in a big range. No more ‘teen’ books for you, ever. Read Hemingway, Poe, Pynchon, and Vonnegut.

By: aquastar

aquastar — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 07:35:41 +0000

Wonderful!! This story had the makings of the beginning of a new fantasy series. It has adventure, turmoil, and a hint of romance (Jamane). You have a very nice writing style that makes the reader want to know more about Will. Your story has good, smooth flow and very informal, thoughtful language. You might want to get more in touch with Will’s feelings, though. For example, when Jamane casts a longing look in Will’s direction when he is wrapping her fish, you could say that he felt a bit confused or embarrassed. During the part when Will vents his feelings about Morganarth, you could say he was imagining doing some rather mean things to him (”Will could almost picture himself sinking his fist into Morganarth’s sneering, arrogant face.” or you could say” “Will imagined himself unleashing his magical powers while Morganarth grew red-faced with jealousy.) I think that getting the readers more connected with Will would make the readers feel much closer to him and would make them more willing (pun intended) to follow him on his journey. You did an awesome job and I wish you luck on your story. (I hope your story turns into a book or a series!!! It’s sure to be a bestseller!)